Well, despite the shitstorm that the always great New York Times hockey blog has gotten itself into this week by mentioning politics, I'm gonna stick to it, at least until Mats Sundin shits or gets off the pot.

Whatever your politics are, I think I can safely say that hockey mom Sarah Palin is not fit to lead on the issue of naming children. I mean, Jesus.

Her kids have the Alaska themed names, Track, Piper, Bristol, Willow, and newborn Trig.

Trig?

I guess I owe Hakan Loob's parents an apology.

Seriously, hurricanes are named better.

Now that 17 year old Bristol Palin is knocked up, we need to step in. Seeing as Bristol's hubby to be Levi is a hockey player for the Wasilla Warriors who plays hurt and scores goals, I think we need to offer some hockey themed names for this kid, if just to save it from Grandma stepping in and naming it something like Wigwam, or Brushfire.

Here's some humble suggestions:

-Saucer Pass Palin
-Five Hole Palin
-Jarome Arthur-Leigh Adekunle Tig Junior Elvis Iginla Palin
-Oglethorpe Palin
-Warrior Palin

(vote for your favorite or add your own in the comments!)

Well, we've had some fun with the news that the presumptive Republican Vice Presidential nominee is a hockey mom, and former sports reporter, and I gotta tell you, this story just keeps getting better and better.

The McCain campaign has released a statement that Governor Sarah Palin's 17 year old daughter Bristol is pregnant, and will be not only having the baby, but marrying the father. And here he is:

Courtesy of the New York Post, meet the soon to be happily married 17 year old Levi Johnston, who scored 24 goals in 24 games with the Wasilla High School Warriors despite suffering a cracked bone in his shin during that season.

Enjoy the quotes from his MySpace page (which has now been removed:)

"I'm a f - - -in' redneck" who likes to snowboard and ride dirt bikes.

"But I live to play hockey. I like to go camping and hang out with the boys, do some fishing, shoot some s- - - and just f - - -in' chillin' I guess."

"Ya f - - - with me I'll kick [your] ass," he added.

He also claims to be "in a relationship," but states, "I don't want kids."

Oops.

Still, seeing as Levi has been pretty clear about his intention to kick the asses of people who fuck with him, let me be clear here-

I'm OK with you, dude. You seem like a little bit of a redneck, but I'm only getting that impression because you, well- called yourself a redneck. It doesn't really take a Jeff Foxworthy to make that leap. But, still, since it's a self imposed title, I'm gonna go ahead and assume that you don't think that's a bad thing. Also, you're 17, and not only scored a goal per game, but also scored with, you know, Bristol, which is no small achievement. She's a fox, no doubt, and while I've never personally had sex with the teenage daughter of an evangelical Christian, I bet it's super fucking hot. I mean, I've seen Footloose, and there's some serious forbidden fruit action going on there.

So on those fronts, good on ya, dude. The no rubber thing is a bummer, but hey, man- you don't need me to tell you that.

Also, and this has nothing to do with you, but I'm really enjoying watching these stuffed shirt right wing pricks choking on their words as they attempt to explain that McCain knew all about how Bristol was pregnant and was OK with it. I'm sure that McCain really wanted to open his convention with a hurricane in New Orleans and a story about an unwanted teenage pregnancy. I mean, family planning arguments aside, nothing puts a bump in the whole "we're making the ticket younger" argument than discovering your injection of youth is about to be a grandmother. I'm guessing that John McCain was just about as pleased to hear about this pregnancy as you were.

Barack Obama has taken the high road with all this, and reminded voters that he was born to an 18 year old mother, but it's not the official Democratic reaction to this that matters. It's the hand wringing for the the Republican family values crowd, and I'm loving watching it unfold. I'm terribly sorry that you're caught in the middle of it, seeing as you had no way of knowing that your girlfriend's mom was going to be potentially a heartbeat away from the Presidency of the United States. I mean, I don't think anybody did.

For Christ's sake- while she was mayor of Wasilla, wasn't this where she worked?

Skip to 2:08 for Sarah Palin (nee Heath)'s NHL roundup:

Well, how about them apples?

Just as we know now that Hillary Clinton would be up at 3:00 in the morning if the red phone rang in the White House, now we can safely know where Alaska Governor and recent Republican VP candidate Sarah Palin will be too- loading the boys into the van so they can make their 5:00 AM icetime for hockey practice.

Can she make policy? I'm not sure, but I bet she makes a mean cup of cocoa.

Way to appeal to the general population of America John McCain, pander to hockey moms, a group that generally live in New England, Buffalo and Minneapolis. I'm sure that New York, Massachusetts, and Minnesota are gonna turn red this time around. Also, she's married to an executive from BP. My brother works there, he likes it fine, and I have no problem with the company, but I gotta tell you, McCain's promise to break the nation's addiction to foreign oil doesn't really take flight when his VP choice is married to an executive from- um, a foreign oil company.

On the bright side, no matter who wins this election, there will be either a black man or a woman in the White House, which is definite progress- or as I call it "Better Luck Next Time Jews!"

But seriously- good pick Johnny.

Nominate a hockey fan. That works great.

Just ask John Kerry.

I've written about how much I've enjoyed reading Kevin Paul DuPont's column in the Boston Globe many times in the past, even if to point out that he's sometimes a grouch who doesn't have enough faith in the Bruins.

But DuPont is an institution, one of the primary reasons I know a lot about the game of hockey, and a solid writer. Sunday isn't Sunday without the Globe's "Hockey Notes."

So here's a recent example of how goddamn great he is.

In case you don't feel like reading the whole article, The Bruins have a new European prospect named Carl Soderburg who is currently playing for a Swedish team called the Malmo Redhawks. How does DuPont know this? Well, cause it's his goddamn job to know these things. He knows shit like that so people like me don't have to, and God Bless him for it. Either way, that's not what I like about this story. Apparently, a local Swedish newspaper column covering the Redhawks claims that Soderberg will be attending Bruins camp this fall, something that the Bruins claim isn't happening until next season. So how does Dupont handle it?

Check this out:

Former Bruins defenseman Michael Thelven, reached by email in Sweden yesterday morning, supplied a translation of the hockeysverige.se story, which had Elefalk saying that Soderberg planned to report to Bruins camp. Peo Larsson, GM of Soderberg's Swedish team, the Malmo Redhawks, also said he didn't understand why Chiarelli felt Soderberg would not attempt to make the Boston team for the upcoming season.

"So it seems all the fans of the Malmo Redhawks," noted the report, as translated by Thelven, "have to wait a little bit longer for further news on where Carl Soderberg will play next season."

Rather than accept the party line from the Bruins that everything is hunky dory, DuPont thinks "who do I know who lives in Sweden, and might be able to help me get to the bottom of this?"

And he thinks- "Oh yeah- ex B's defenseman Michael Thelven, (who last laced them up for the Bruins almost 20 years ago) lives over there now and is the CEO of his own company- I'll drop him an email, and see if he can translate this for me."

So he did, and it worked, which I absolutely love. That's called keeping up your connections, and it's what really good journalists do.

Sadly, it's kind of a boring goddamn story, and who really cares if Soderberg shows up to camp this year or next? Not many people, but I'll tell ya, DuPont does, and in the dog days of summer, it's tough to come up with a hockey article.

Good on ya, KPD.

good on ya.

So, has anybody else noticed that the primary difference between water polo and ice hockey is temperature?


















Wouldn't it be more fun like this?

Cameron Frye:

As Ferris Bueller's best friend, the mild mannered Cameron Frye endures.

A wonderful mimic, wingman, son, and lover of fine art, Cameron struggles under the oppressive thumb of his domineering father, until he ultimately rebels, destroying his father's sports car and heroically sticking around to take responsibility for his actions.

Through it all, this emotionally tormented young man wears a Red Wings jersey in the heart of Chicago, back in the 1980's, when being a Blackhawks fan still meant something.

"Hey Cameron- do you realize that if we played by the rules right now, we'd be in gym?"

Cameron Frye, we salute you.